DiversityInc - September 2008

You’re so … articulate? Smart? Different? While it is true that the speaker may intend a compliment, what may be meant as praise instead comes across as being condescending. It implies the person being complimented is an exception to the rule and is exhibiting behavior atypical of others of his or her ethnic background.

In her years in the industry, Berlinda Fontenot-Jamerson, former director of diversity at Disney-ABC Television Group, has heard it all. “I feel like education and awareness is my mission, so I try to be kind when I check people to help them understand what they just said,” she says.

2Is that your real hair? Danielle Robinson, director of diversity, talent and organizational design at Diageo, a wine, beer and spirits company, said she was amazed when she got this question from a colleague. But instead of getting angry, Robinson simply explained to her coworker why that particular question was inappropriate.

“There are a number of ways to respond. But I told the person they had no idea if they might be asking that question to someone suffering from a medical condition, [such as] someone recovering from cancer treatment,” she says. “I wound up giving this one woman a little lesson because you never know what the situation might be of the person you’re asking the question.”

3“You” people. “I’ve heard this one several times,” Fontenot-Jamerson says.

Who exactly are “you people,” and how do they differ from regular people? Use this poorly chosen phrase at your own risk.

4Do you eat a lot of … (plug in the offending stereotype here)? Some stereotypes simply refuse to disappear. There’s nothing wrong

with natural curiosity about the ethnic eating habits of some of your coworkers. The problem lies in focusing on stereotypical Black fare such as fried chicken or watermelon. It reveals that the speaker has a very limited and narrow perception of Black culture and cuisine.

5Why are you so angry? This one is more often directed at Black males, thanks in large part to the media, which often portrays Black men as being angry and/or criminals.

6Why are you acting white? Consider this a relative of “You’re so articulate.” Why would exhibiting proper behavior, manners or dialect be categorized as acting white? If that’s the case, what does it mean to act Black?

7You don’t sound Black
over the phone.
What does Black sound like?

8I don’t think of you as Black.

DiversityInc Partner and Cofounder Luke Visconti received a letter from a reader who was presented with this particular compliment. “What you are experiencing is the first instance of a person accepting another person who is outside of their ‘tribe,’” Visconti responded.

“Although the words and the sentiment are insulting, the person expressing them is (usually) not consciously trying to insult you. In their backward and ignorant way, they are actually trying to give you a compliment,” wrote Visconti.

9You graduated from where? This particular offense came to our attention directly from one of our readers, Beatriz Mallory, who wrote: “In trying to recall the worst, I’d have to nominate this one. It is the unguarded question, ‘You went to Cornell? Wow!’”

10The N-word.

The ultimate faux pas. Just because you’ve seen repeats of “Chappelle’s Show,” where the word is used liberally, that doesn’t give you—or anyone—license to make conversational use of the word. To read more on the debate, read “Double Standard: Can You Use the N-Word?” in the Jan./Feb. 2008 issue of DiversityInc.