being disrespectful.
If she doesn’t think that she can
do this, another way is to get some
advice from either a trusted friend
or a mentor in terms of how she
should approach her boss. Some
role-playing and coaching in terms
of some of the things that she
could say would be good for the
partner to work out with her.
If she has let other similar
situations go, she is probably
feeling like she’s ready to blow.
That’s why it’s best if she gets
coaching because otherwise,
she won’t know what’s going to
happen. She is going to go in there,
and she is just going to blow up,
and then all of a sudden this guy
is going to say, ”Oh my God, what
happened?” And then he is going
to be left wondering why all of
a sudden this nice, sweet, quiet,
can’t go and get in the face of
the boss and have that kind of
conversation.
She should go to one of the
allies each of us may have in the
workplace and allow that ally to
intercede for her, to help educate
the boss ... Maybe he really didn’t
know the impact of his behavior.
Maybe he didn’t understand what
he was doing and how it created
the inequity for that moment for
the individual, which now has
become a long pattern ... What
would be even better would be for
him to go back and to say, “You
know, I am really sorry. I didn’t
really understand. Now I do. Let’s
work together and help me to learn
different behaviors to foster better
relationships.” If he is hurting her,
he may very well be doing it to
others as well.
“SHE IS GOING TO GO IN THERE,
AND SHE IS JUST GOING TO blow up,
AND THIS GUY IS GOING TO SAY,
“OH MY GOD, what happened?”
LINDA AKUTAGAWA, LEAP
passive Asian woman switches to
the other stereotype about Asian
women, in which she is the dragon
lady and is really super, super
aggressive. That’s because she
bottled it all in.
STEPHANIE STREET: When you
are in that kind of situation, you
are torn, as you say, with your
cultural heritage. You are also
torn because as an employee, you
may feel there is the potential for
retaliation. That’s alive and well
in the workplace, even with all
the things that we put in place.
Employees still feel they really
BOB REED: Another way we may
want to think about it is that she
approach it from a standpoint of
the team’s performance. She can
talk about the fact that everybody
there works together as a team
and the intent is to make everyone
perform their best. By his actions,
the others could have misunderstood where he was coming from.
She also can talk about how she
felt, since others may have felt the
same way.
ALMA MORALES RIOJAS:
Latinos and Asians don’t react
in a confrontational way because
that is just not the way we are.
And it doesn’t make it wrong,
it doesn’t make it right, it’s just
different. This is one that would
call for a soft-glove approach.
Why pass it on to anybody else
and why let it blow up? Instead,
I would tell her to invite the boss
to coffee or lunch and say, “You
know, this happened and it gave
me an opportunity to think that
maybe I am not informing you
enough of what I am doing for
the workplace and what value I
bring to the job. I would like to
hear from you how I can better
contribute [as] I would like to be
spoken about the same way that
you did about my colleague. I want
to be able to contribute to your
performance and to the company’s
performance.”
That would be taken in a positive way, giving the guy the benefit
of the doubt. He was just plain
ignorant, so give him a chance to
recoup, but don’t beat around the
bush—deal with it directly but in
a way that’s respectful of the individual’s culture and personal style.
ELIZA BYARD: This is also an
example of how training company-wide could set up a situation where
her coworker could be an ally for
her as well. If you brought your
whole work force on board, you
would hope that another manager
would speak up.
DR. dt ogilvie: Everybody seems
to view “confrontation” as a
negative; it’s not. It just means to
get in front of. You have to be a
leader. If you are going to operate
in business culture, then you can’t
just sit back, no matter what your
background. You are going to
have to learn how to navigate a
situation.
